Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Toast

So, I think it's safe to say that my life is a little bit messy right now. I know that in my little blurb up top about this blog I've got jokes about my life being a mess. But for real. Legit. Hot disaster at the moment. I spend a lot of time philosophizing these days. There's not much else to do when you're standing on a street corner with a smile plastered on your face, or when you're listening to mopey music packing box after box of linens and random knickknacks. And it's funny how things happen. In the midst of my horrific packing efforts (I SUPER suck at packing) I came across a magnet that my best friend gave me a hundred years ago that fell behind my shelf. As cheesy as it sounds (try not to throw up and bear with me. I'm feeling introspective these days ;), it was Rilke's quote, "...love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue." ...yadda yadda yadda. It seems that guy really knows what he's talking about. So I've decided to listen to him. "Live the questions now," he says. I'm trying, buddy.

It is irritating, though. My brain and my body seem to be on completely separate pages, and neither are consulting me about anything. They are both off on tangents all their own. Or maybe it's just that I don't like what each one is trying to tell me...

Anyway, It really is incredible how quickly all your plans can go to shit. I mean, I thought I knew at least the general direction I was headed in, and now the only knowledge I can count on in a day is knowing that the neighborhood crack dealer will call me "mommy," give me a fist pound, and ask me to program his "new" ipod for him. (seriously it happens every day. And I have to say, I don't love this question. I'm running out of excuses and, let's be honest, no one wants to upset a drug dealer).

But, I guess I do want to remember everything about this completely messy time. I want to remember so that when my kids come to me in their 20's and ask, "what is my life right now?" I can say, with the complete knowledge of experience, "To be honest, right now your life is totally f*cked.... But you gotta have faith. Both in the world and in yourself because things will work out."

And so, I've decided to go home for most of the next month. I have three weddings to go to, one of them being my brother's. I'll see old friends, get some fresh air, drive with the windows down (if I can remember how to operate a car), and help my mom and future sister-in-law with loose wedding ends.

Here's to deep breathing and figuring out my life :)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Whole New Meaning to "Tasti-D"

I think I slept two hours Thursday night. I woke up in a panic in the morning on the verge of hyperventilation to a clock that said that I was already 9 minutes late to work. Shit. After a few choice cuss words to myself, I managed to get dressed, throw on a headband and run to work by 9 am. No biggie, turns out I'm not essential to the office at 8:30am. Shock, I know.

Friday went by soo...ooo slowly. There were not enough songs on my ipod and, I have to say, that one day to be left alone with my thoughts in a filing room was enough. Two was a bit excessive. I started going over all the shit I need to pack (ugh), all the wedding presents I still need to buy (what to get?), all the messy relationships (???), all the things I should have done while filming various scenes (why didn't I just speed that line up, why didn't I take a moment here or there). Infuriating. You get the picture. And it isn't pretty.

Anyway, come 4:30 I had filed everything in sight, my fingers were bleeding (no, seriously. Bleeding.) and they had nothing else for me to do. I had resolved some sort of confidence in my brain by that time that I could do everything I need to do and deal with everything I need to deal with.

On the way home I stopped at Tasti-D. Had a very nice conversation with Singh as he got me my small chocolate in a cup. Was feeling good. I gave a little sass to the guy heckling the poor girl handing out subway coupons on my corner. (Like she's never heard, "do YOU come with the $5 footlong?" before. Idiot. Really, it's not bad enough she's wearing a sandwich board? I mean, clever - Subway promo girl in a sandwich board, real funny folks. No one should ever have to wear one of those things) Anyway, the guy had it coming and the girl and I shared a smile of commiseration. I was on my way, again.

So to break it down: I helped out a stranger, I was feeling confident, I wanted to start packing, I was in a good place. I got to my door and started fumbling for my keys and wouldn't you know it...right in front of my face, missed my nose by a hair....a giant dollop of city juice from the air conditioner above plopped right on top of my Tasti-D. I had that moment of silence where you're not really sure how your body will react. Where you just stare at the scene before you. But then.... I couldn't do anything but crack up. The kind of laughing where your chest hurts and nostrils flare, I may have even snorted (a trait I think I get from my Dad. Thanks for that one.) People were staring. I was making a scene.

But, Holy Hell. Does it get funnier? Just when you get the momentum, New York City takes a giant dump right on your ice cream.

Life, you're killing me right now.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Welcome Distractions and Welcome Weather

I woke up this morning to a message from the temp agency that they want me back in HR at the usual discount retailer's corporate offices. She said casually, "Can you work today?" and I almost screamed "Yes!" very happy to have a welcome distraction from the mess that is my life right now. But I kept it cool. And so, I marched my happy ass back to the filing room with a pep in my step that probably seemed a bit unnatural.

It's been about three months, maybe, since my last stint there, so upon walking into the office I was greeted with half familiar smiles that seemed truly excited to see me. It was wonderful! I got hugs from everyone. And it's weird how sometimes a hug from an almost-stranger can make you feel better than one from someone you know. Maybe it's because it's so unexpected. Anyhow...I was so appreciative of the office small talk ("Jersey Shore," anyone?) and, though I was holed up in a filing room with mid-year reviews whittling away at my cuticles, I had a fairly nice day. Ipod and alphabetizing....who knew? They asked me back tomorrow, so let's see if I can keep up that enthusiasm after a full 9 hour day.

I ran home in the POURING rain (apparently a tornado in Brooklyn, Wha?!) and arrived at my door absolutely sopping wet. Just soaked, and I kind of loved it. Sometimes it just feels like rain.

I've figured out that this weekend is my only time to move all my shit...by myself. So that should be something. I'm going to try to recruit some friends with the lure of wine and pizza. We'll see what happens....

I seem to be saying those four words a lot these days.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Wasted Space, Complications, and a Robbery

Starting to freak out. The end-of-a-project depression has set in and I am officially in a mood. Aside from some other personal business I'm dealing with, I have no idea what my next job will be. I need to find some auditions ASAP so I can feel a little less like a waste of space.

My moving situation has gotten nothing but increasingly complicated. I seem to be staying in my apartment for another month...then who knows what. She wants me to move all my shit to the room next door. Ugh. I keep meaning to respond to THAT email...But nothing's wrong with just a little procrastination. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Oh, and p.s. apparently our building was broken into on Saturday night from a window on a lower floor. So that's swell. A little terrifying, but I've located my mace and you better believe I check those locks like I have a debilitating case of OCD.

Maybe I'll take a dance class tomorrow. Hope it lifts my crabby state of mind. Maybe rent some space and do a little moving on my own. I can't afford it, really, but I did buy a spinach quesadilla tonight for dinner that will last me at least 3 days....maybe it evens out in the end?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A Nice Reminder

So much happens in a day these days. Maybe it's because they are 15 hours long. But trust me I am not complaining. I'm actually having the most fun I've had in quite some time. If only I could find a way to get paid for doing this crazy fun job....

Let's see, shooting began for the web series "Big Country Blues" last Saturday. I got a call early AM from one of the two directors. I could tell by his sing song voice that he was about to break some news/ask me to do something nuts. He explained that the pool that I had to swim in has been neglected a bit in the past few weeks...and asked if would I mind too terribly diving into an algae ridden slime? I let him know that if he would pay for any of the subsequent medical bills, I'd be happy to.

And so I arrived on set, met the cast and crew ....and put on my bathing suit. Gross. I almost had a break down. There really is nothing like wearing a bathing suit in front of a crowd of clothed people to bring you right back down to earth.

Wardrobe aside, I immediately knew that this was going to be a fun experience, as the cast and crew are probably the funniest group of people that have ever been put in a room together.

I jumped into the lagoon about 10 times total. It was, hands down, the worst tasting water I've ever experienced. After that I scaled a balcony, smoked some cigarettes, shot a love scene and called it a day at 4am....And I loved every minute of it.

The next few days were long and tiring, but filled with good work and lots of laughing. I've found a friendship I didn't see coming in the guy playing the country singer. Surprisingly, we have a lot in common. It's been fun experiencing acting from his point of view. He thinks I'm doing him a favor by helping him with scenes, but really I'm being selfish. It's just such a nice reminder of why I love it so much. Creating relationships and all the emotions that come with them from words on a page. The first time you let yourself get lost in a scene is something you don't forget.

It's an awesome thing when you can sit back and look around and know that you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Recently I've been disheartened from shitty NY theater and people with little talent and a lot of self-importance. I feel very lucky to have been cast in something that I already feel richer for being a part of. It's nice for a change. I have crazy respect for everyone working on this project. I only hope that the job I'm doing is as good as I want it to be. It's hard to tell when you're not in front of an audience, getting your energy from their reactions.

All right. Enough with the actor-y talk. All I can do is focus, try, and cross my fingers I'm not f*cking it up.

*On Set with Director Brian Ross and The star of the production singer Jeremy McComb