Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

A Toast

So, I think it's safe to say that my life is a little bit messy right now. I know that in my little blurb up top about this blog I've got jokes about my life being a mess. But for real. Legit. Hot disaster at the moment. I spend a lot of time philosophizing these days. There's not much else to do when you're standing on a street corner with a smile plastered on your face, or when you're listening to mopey music packing box after box of linens and random knickknacks. And it's funny how things happen. In the midst of my horrific packing efforts (I SUPER suck at packing) I came across a magnet that my best friend gave me a hundred years ago that fell behind my shelf. As cheesy as it sounds (try not to throw up and bear with me. I'm feeling introspective these days ;), it was Rilke's quote, "...love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue." ...yadda yadda yadda. It seems that guy really knows what he's talking about. So I've decided to listen to him. "Live the questions now," he says. I'm trying, buddy.

It is irritating, though. My brain and my body seem to be on completely separate pages, and neither are consulting me about anything. They are both off on tangents all their own. Or maybe it's just that I don't like what each one is trying to tell me...

Anyway, It really is incredible how quickly all your plans can go to shit. I mean, I thought I knew at least the general direction I was headed in, and now the only knowledge I can count on in a day is knowing that the neighborhood crack dealer will call me "mommy," give me a fist pound, and ask me to program his "new" ipod for him. (seriously it happens every day. And I have to say, I don't love this question. I'm running out of excuses and, let's be honest, no one wants to upset a drug dealer).

But, I guess I do want to remember everything about this completely messy time. I want to remember so that when my kids come to me in their 20's and ask, "what is my life right now?" I can say, with the complete knowledge of experience, "To be honest, right now your life is totally f*cked.... But you gotta have faith. Both in the world and in yourself because things will work out."

And so, I've decided to go home for most of the next month. I have three weddings to go to, one of them being my brother's. I'll see old friends, get some fresh air, drive with the windows down (if I can remember how to operate a car), and help my mom and future sister-in-law with loose wedding ends.

Here's to deep breathing and figuring out my life :)

1 comment:

  1. And upon your return, there will be friend here waiting for you

    ReplyDelete