Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Sarah, You are Not Ok.

Dude. Y'all. This past week officially did me in. My body is pissed. It is rebelling like whoa. My feet kill, my stomach's a mess, my knees ache like Tanya Harding got to 'em...

Every day this week I had between 2 and 5 very different events scheduled. Flyering shifts, promo jobs, auditions, readings, tours... you get the picture. Of course each event required a different outfit: all black for flyering, cute clothes for "sexy girl" audition, fierce clothes for "female spy" audition, somewhere in the middle for "mobster's girlfriend" audition... "How do you do this?" you may be asking yourself. Well, let me set the scene for you: I stumble into my fourth Starbucks of the day carrying my purse, my "Mary Poppins" oversize tote of clothing options, make-up and headshots, and generally another small bag that contains my lunch/snacks for the day. I make my way to the bathroom and as I wait in the line that inevitably winds it's way through the cafe, I go over the sides for the next audition or get the info for my next promo fresh in my brain from my trusty IPhone (that hopefully has enough juice to sustain the day. Thursday I wasn't so lucky. I'm now besties with Jason, the manager over at the AT&T by Shetler Studios. We spent some time together...). Once in the bathroom, I survey the area for the most clean looking floor space and set up shop to change. I balance precariously on my pair of flat shoes while I change pants (It's always a bummer when I lose my balance - touch my toes to the scary Starbucks bathroom floor. I invariably scream out an obscenity in this instance and hop back onto the shoes in hopes that there's a five second rule for catching flesh eating diseases). After a successful Superman-quick-change, of sorts, my little legs are usually running to the next appointment or job, while I try to breathe through it and not drip sweat. It's a scene. I'm a scene.

Amid the madness, I did have some auditions of note this week. I got that callback from the Discovery Channel to play a mobster's girlfriend/wife. I showed up at the audition and picked up what they were calling "sides," but was really just a scenario that we were then supposed to improv. "Aw, Shit." was my first impression. But I sucked it up and introduced myself to my less-than-enthusiastic scene partner in the waiting area. I did my best to be open with him and get comfortable.... he had ABSOLUTELY no interest in doing the same with me. He offered one word answers in between chewing some Whole Foods concocted trail mix, sideways glances and a condescending tone (the mix appeared to be almonds and raisins from the looks of the half-chewed, pasty, mess in his mouth...*sidenote*). He was a freakin' delight.

We went in did the scene and I was asked to stay and read for some other characters. The last of the three times I went in to see the head of the production company, we were asked to do a violent, emotionally charged scene involving a hint of domestic abuse. My scene partner (a much nicer and more open individual than the previous A-hole) and I set our boundaries before we started. I said he could touch me and vice versa. We started the scenario and before I knew it, I was pinned up against a wall with his hand on my neck, fighting back tears that wouldn't stop. It. Was. Awesome. I said thank you and left with a good feeling, but you just never know. Sure enough I got a call not an hour later asking how I felt about dying my hair BLOND! You better believe I said I was open to it! Now, she SAID they definitely want to cast me... but I haven't heard from her since. I wrote a thank you note, and I'm waiting to see what happens. They were slow on the callbacks, so I'm thinking/hoping the time schedule is just a little lax on this project. We'll see!!!

As far as the other auditions... I was cast in a show that I had to turn down because of lack of information. There was a time I would have accepted anything that came my way, but now I need to know what I'm getting into before I commit my time to anything. It's a nice feeling to know that I'm moving forward in that regard. Among the other auditions for the week, I had a fun one with friends from the PlayClub I've been going to. It's an original musical and I was given the opportunity to dance at this audition. I'm excited to hear from them, as it would be awesome to work with such talented people that do work that I truly believe in. One other audition stands out in my brain. It was for a film and it was a very cold read-minutes to look over the script. But, I got in the room and the casting director explained the character to me and, somehow, she just made sense. A little lost, on a trip with a stranger after a breakup, about to go back to reality and a new job... I felt like I knew her, like I've been her. I can only hope that my audition conveyed that connection I felt with the character. And so... I wait.

After a week of craziness that, actually, never ended - I worked through the weekend and I'm still going, I had a day of revelations. Maybe it's that I'm drained, exhausted, sleep deprived. Or, maybe it's that I've hit my breaking point. But either way I've decided things in my life have to change. I worked a bunch of shifts by myself this past week, which is always a test in mind control, and I think it simply got to me. I worked a double today, and as I stood for five hours on the streets of the Financial District, I officially lost my mind. I went from a girl with a usually optimistic disposition with sarcastic undertones, to a girl contemplating suicide. I actually thought about running into traffic...but then realized that the cars in the area go really slow and I'd probably just end up a quadriplegic and then I'd really have problems. But, in all seriousness, I stood on the corner, fighting back tears, swearing that if one more person shoved their hand in my face instead of saying, "no, thank you" I was going to gnaw their arm down to a nubbin' right there on Wall Street. I was going to poke out their eyes with the corners of my semi-gloss finished flyers. These thoughts: NOT OK. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the work. Grateful for the money. I absolutely LOVE most of the girls I work with... but I can't do it anymore. I have hit a wall. And so, between weighing the consequences of both homicide and suicide, I had some ideas for making changes. More about this will probably come in the near future. I don't want to put the cart before the horse... if that makes any sense.

This week is more work and more work. I'm going to try desperately to remain calm and sane. I mean, hell, I hear the world is ending in two weeks, anyway... Which better not be true. I've started a new regimen of 1200 calories, no alcohol and running a few miles a day to get my body happy again and if I find out that I should have been drunk, making out with good looking strangers and eating my weight in melted cheese and tiramisu because the world is done-zo, I'm gonna be ticked.

Wish me luck. I really hope I can resist the urge to go ape-shit on some rude passersby this week. It's a precarious situation, right now: my personality. Watch out.

...kisses! :-/


  1. Chin up gorgeous. It sounds to me like you are going places, FAST. Just a little while longer and you can leave your "survival" jobs behind. You're amazeballs! <3

  2. Objectively speaking (putting aside for the moment those human emotions of empathy, concern, commiseration) that opening paragraph is a grabber, especially "my knees ache like Tanya Harding got to 'em". Ouch! But good-ouch. As good as "sorry you miss the beatnik poets and the strung out artists, but gentrification of the area started in the 80's, and btw that is not even CLOSE to my fault", which brings a little historical perspective to sassy sidewalk snappin' (in an earlier post).

    You wrote a lot here, a travelogue through a day-in-the-life. From the mean streets to the rarefied precincts of people dedicated to their craft. Rich, sweet, bitter, and real.