Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Was That a Hurricane or Did a Pigeon Just Shit on My Head?

Seriously? Seriously? An earthquake AND a hurricane? Seriously?!!

Let's start at square one (and by "square" I mean "natural disaster"). I was grocery shopping for some fresh produce in a health food store in my hood. I took the time to squeeze each stone fruit and inspect each leafy green. I found the cereal I wanted. Then the cashier says to me in broken spanglish, "No internet. No card." I got kinda pissy because I had no cash and she's talking up a storm to the lady behind me completely unconcerned with my waste of time. "You feel?" she asked as she gyrated her whole body like a floppy banana peel. "Uh...I'm sorry?" I answered, completely confused and slightly creeped out. She said something to me in Spanish (LOTS of people think I speak Spanish. I don't. Well, un poquito). "I... don't speak Spanish." "Earthquake! Earthquake!" The woman behind me piped up energetically. "You feel?!" "Nope. Nope, ladies. I did not feel an earthquake." Nuts. I walked away, leaving behind my perfectly chosen produce and rolling my eyes at the crazy ladies squawking behind me.

I went to another grocery to re-shop and as I was checking out the woman says to me, "how crazy was that earthquake?" "What?! Really?! Those bitches weren't crazy...?" (I said the second part under my breath). I was still skeptical until I got a text from my mom in GA. 2 reactions to this: 1. Confirmed the whole earthquake thing 2. There's an earthquake and my Mom sends a TEXT?! ...I mean, yeah, I didn't FEEL it...but still.

So a few days later I go to see my friend in a Fringe Festival show (big theater fest here in town) and guess who is sitting right in front? The casting director that I met with just a few weeks before! Hello! Sign! (cough*call me in for an audition*cough) Anyhow, as I'm taking my seat next to the CD, two old women create quite a fuss as they are trying to get up the stairs to their seats and one topples over on the other! They fall DOWN the stairs, tumbling to a hard thud on the ground one on top of the other, moaning like cows in heat ( cows go into heat? Hmm...). The audience screamed and instinct set in for me and one other girl. We rushed over to the ladies and tried to get them to stay put while someone called an ambulance. I stayed there getting their names (Blanca and Ros) and ages (Ros said 55...pretty sure she's been 55 for 20 years). They were something else! Blanca was in a ton of pain the other just WAS a pain. "I'm not going to the hospital with you, Blanca! I'm not goin'. You are alone." Cool it, Ros! I think Blanca broke her hip for God's sakes.

In the middle of the madness another crazy on the other side of the theater started yelling into a phone and sobbing hysterically. It was MADNESS! In the end both ladies went to the hospital and we watched the show without further interruption. But WTF?! Remind me not to spend my whole life in this town. It's great for a while, but I've never met a super-sane old lady that's been here forever. I'm pretty sure this town turns a girl bananas after a while. I'm sure as hell feelin on my way.

AND THEN not a day later there's hurricane hoopla. Now I'm getting textS from my mother about this. Of course I'd heard about the possibility, but it takes a lot to get NYers concerned about much of anything. But not Moms. If I was underwhelmed with her reaction to the earthquake, she made up for it with natural disaster number two. I'd wake up in the morning to hilarious manic texts about filling the bathtub. Sample text:

"Hurricane prep? Water? Flashlight? Could lose power. Consider going to Jay and Mindy's? Could be couple days without power. Possible."

Verbatim. There were others.

I packed up the hundred dollars of non-perishables, bottled water, light sources and magazines (hurricane's are freakin' expensive) and headed for my friend's apartment in Astoria- An Evac free zone. We spent the day gathering rations and walking around trying to tire out her 2 dachshunds so they didn't crap all over the apartment in the coming days. Then...we waited. And waited. Did I mention that we waited? We sat there sweating our faces off in the humid apartment devoid of a window unit, as per Bloomberg's advice. I ate my weight in Lentil chips with salsa and cheese dip and apple slices (I at least TRIED to mix in a healthy snack or two). I successfully and shockingly avoided the pizza! August fitness challenge: 1 Hurricane: 0 though, there were a few PB and J's to be had. I went over lines. I stuck my head out the window. I developed a crush on Eric reporting from Virginia Beach as I watched him rain soaked and blowing in the wind on the Weather Channel. I read about cravings and healthy fats. I slept. I slept some more.

What the shit, Irene?! Take your damn time, Lady! What a bitch. I mean, is this or isn't this? They were still on TV blowin' around like idiots, they were still saying the worst was yet to come, they were still talking about the destruction that was ahead... But when?! Whennnn?! I spent the night in and out of sleep on a chair in front of the television waiting for the black clouds of doom to descend on our little apartment bunker and knock us back into the dark ages. Needless to say...that didn't happen.

What did happen was we went crazy. We lost our damn minds cooped up, bored senseless, eating crap and waiting on pins and needles. In-Sane. My friend (shout out Elesha!) started yelling out the window at passersby (that's right- PASSERSBY. Some hurricane) telling them to "get in out of the danger! There's danger! Hurricanes are danger!" Most people just laughed at us and asked if we need beer. The next afternoon I was exhausted! Turns out all the preparation and waiting is enough to knock you out. I hopped in a cab and came back to BK to check out the scene. Some branches were down.

For as much as we joke (was that a hurricane or is someone's air conditioner leaking? Hurrican't. Irene's like my 9th grade gf, all talk and no action, Hurri-lame!), we really do owe a big ole' THANK YOU to the southerners for taking that one like a champ. We would not have been able to enjoy the beautiful day today if Irene didn't dwell on North Carolina and become lesbian lovers with Virginia. Not to mention that Vermont is underwater. So Bless you folks because we here in NYC really were the lucky ones, and you guys-not so much.

At some point in the middle of this week of madness I managed to Celebrate a bestie's birthday (shout out Kel), hand out some flyers, rehearse for a reading, get my metabolism tested (SUPER slow for the amount I work out. Great news. 1200 calories a day it is...fml), bartend for the first time (not my forte), have a drunken night of terrible decisions (that I'm still recovering from/dwelling on), and listen to some nutrition lectures.

Holy hell. Life is eventful! There's a lesson here somewhere... You can't go through all this bullshit and not learn something (Sorry, TGIF was my jam as a kid. DJ and Stephanie ALWAYS learned something)... So here goes: Really there are so many big things to worry about in life that dwelling on the small, stupid things just seems self indulgent. Shit happens. Shit happens and we move on. Just like this city after an earthquake and a hurricane.

...I mean a ground shimmy and a rainstorm.


  1. Bringin' it back old school. TGIF still blows my mind. Seriously.

    I like to look at it this way, we're all tired. We work too much, play too hard (lame I know) sleep too little, and stress too much. So the Universe sent Irene as a way to say..woa woa woa, slow down you crazy children.

    I learned my Hurricane lessons in the South, prepare for a storm, but anticipate a beautiful relaxing day. Sure it could have been worse (*cough blizzard cough*).

    ...p.s. we had a/c. you should have some here.

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  3. "'You feel?' she asked as she gyrated her whole body like a floppy banana peel. 'Uh...I'm sorry?' I answered, completely confused and slightly creeped out."

    Hah! I love imagining this interaction, the voices and facial expressions, and dem body gyrations. I'm not even past the first paragraph and I have a much-needed laugh -- my first today:-) Now to savor the rest of your latest -- and post natural disaster(s) -- writing.... (now that I've fixed a small matter of single/double quotation marks in my first post)

  4. Patrick, I should have talked to you about your hurricane expertise long before the "big one" hit. My mother, too, grew up in FL and I was getting all my info from her. One fatal flaw in this: She's my mother. Prepping for catastrophe was all that entered her mind. I'm surprised we didn't board up the windows.

    Ilidas, I'm so glad you like! I have such fun looking back on all the silly things that I go through in a day and to know that you enjoy reading about it truly makes my day. :) I say it every time, but many thanks for reading! (and btw my facial expressions are something my friends and frenemies comment on frequently. Apparently I'm fairly transparent... during the good, bad and the ugly. oops.)