Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Monday, November 7, 2011

Eighty-Sixing Sweet Sixteen

He pushed through the swarm of candy colored teenagers like a newborn escaping the womb (...ew. Sorry for that...). I gestured grandly to grab the attention of the 23 adolescent eyes that bounded all over the sights of the busy Soho street and said, “And here is Lombardi's Pizza! It's where the slice of pizza originated in the Great Depression...Oh! Excuse ME, sir!” I muttered as the man scoffed and gently but defiantly used his patched elbow to nudge me out of his damn way. Just as one teenager came to my defense with, “Well that guy is RUDE!” I turned and made direct eye contact with the pushy, but ever so regal, smart looking, blazer clad Gabriel Byrne. “Ha!” I said aloud (which was a win for me, because my first instinct was to blurt, “Oh! I love 'In Treatment!' ...smooth...). Gabriel caused dissent amongst my group and they chattered about how mean people are in NY. How everyone has an attitude. “Girls,” I said, “that was actually a very famous actor.” “O.M.G!” “No Way!” “I totally thought he looked familiar!” “NY is so cool!”...How quickly the teenaged lynch mob changed their tune.
Good God, I don't miss being 16. I'm still baffled by the fact that I'm not actually that age anymore and beyond that a full twelve years have passed since I was, but still. Don't miss it. I know this because I spend A LOT of time with the teenage set. I've been dubbed, "The Teen Queen" from one of my tour bosses. I give a teen tour like nobody's business. Somehow I connect with their effed up way of thinking. Their logic that seems to be a few holes short of a round.  I dress up the awkward teens that haven't figured out their bodies yet (or have and I must delicately steer them away from certain articles of clothing to avoid their looking like victims of human trafficking), while I give out boyfriend advice and hear about the dire drama between supposed friends. It's funny that I get along so well with them now, because I had no tolerance for the bullshit when I was actually a part of it. I was so over the BS back in the day that my senior superlative was "Most Likely Never to be Seen Again After Highschool." -Seriously. It just wasn't my jam. ...WTF, I have to ask to go to the bathroom? Who cares your boyfriend did a freshman, he's gross anyway. Umm, you're telling me I can't wear pants on Homecoming Court? (yeah yeah...laugh it up. Homecoming Court.)
Homecoming. No pants allowed. Ridiculous.

Anyhow, with a fair amount of eye rolling and sarcastic sighing, I made it. And here I am. In Brooklyn. Making something like a life. My parents came up to visit this past weekend. Clearly, they knew me when I was a sassy 16, so it's something to be able to bring them into my world here in the city and show them my life. They haven't yet witnessed the Brooklyn experience that I've been living for the past year (1 year on Halloween, exactly). They know the people I talk about as characters from my story, the streets I walk as the abstract backdrop of my nutty life, and they hear those city sounds through the phone as I walk to the train and recount to them the day's utter ridiculous.

M and D on the streets of Brooklyn
But for a hot minute this past week they were a part of what I have going on. They came to see me in a staged reading of a kick ass new play and they were able to feel the energy in the theater first hand. Meet the people I've been rehearsing with and see me do what I love and what I do best- perform. The next day we ran into some of my fellow promo girls working an event in the Meatpacking District. I'm so close with these girls- Lord knows we've been through some shit together. I'm even in one friend's upcoming wedding, so I loved introducing the girls that keep me sane under such insane circumstances to my family. Me and the 'rents went out to eat, had cocktails, walked around, went hipster scoping (a favorite pastime), shopped the flea market, walked the highline, got snowed in (in OCTOBER. Really, NY!?) and ate dips and drank hot toddies while watching GA football. All around an awesome trip. It was great bringing them into my life up here and showing them not just HOW I run around like a nutcase, but they got to see me onstage again and get a glimpse of WHY I do it.

The day they arrived I also had my second session with MichaelRoderick (the help-Sarah-be less crazy-and-pull-her-shit-together guy. If you'll remember-the first session bordered on nervous breakdown, so I was a bit apprehensive going in to number two, but...). He's helping me figure out what to do with this nutrition schooling once it's said and done. And when I actually find the time and sit down to contemplate the various routes I can take with it, I really do get excited about the prospects. But my main concern is that I'm just adding and adding and adding to the maddening variety in my daily life. But what I love about Michael is that he's part business consultant, part psych ward manager. On one hand he's helping me marry my two loves of performing and nutrition to create a symbiotic relationship between the two, and on the other he's helping me to not lose my God damned mind in the process. He talks me down from my ledge and helps me figure out how to break down the heaping pile of hard to swallow responsibilities into manageable little nuggets. At the end of this second session I had a very clear list of things I need to do to build my business and my network. I left feeling energized and ready to start building on my ideas. I can't wait to be able to say, “look what I've made!”

Blowing out the candles and making a wish for a Big-Girl life

A lot of this excitement stems from feeling like I don't have much to show for my recently celebrated 28 years- A slew of random jobs (passing out apples on Staten Island at 7am, anyone?? Because that happened last week), next to no money (complete with mega-anxiety), an apartment full of beat up Ikea crap, and a slightly bitter but luckily still fairly optimistic attitude. And that's about it. My friends are getting promotions at work, big girl apartments and real deal furniture. I may not be 16 anymore, but the look of my life doesn't necessarily reflect that.

But, when my parents were here I realized that that's not necessarily true. I really had so much to show them and a network of people for them to meet (many of whom we just ran into throughout the city). At the end of the trip my Mom hugged me and said, “I am so proud of you.” I wanted to say, “For Realz?!” in a high pitched voice full of disbelief. But, I guess I have come a long way from that defiant and cynical 16 year old. Sure, I want more (like that big-girl apartment with a rug and a cookware set and not a single futon in sight...). But that's what keeps a fire under my tush. And I feel like things are coming together. Like I'm right at the edge of something really good. I'm not quite sure what it is, yet and I'm not all together positive when it's coming, but it's coming. Until then, I'm going to try to lay off the self doubt and keep working. And, like my Dad said at an after dinner stop at the winery here in BK, “You'll figure it out. I'm not worried. Somehow you always do.”

Now to quell the anxiety in the meantime...


  1. I like this post. We are all anxious over our shortcomings, missed opportunities, and well -- everything, at times. When I get caught up with self-doubt, my husband reminds me that the things we worry about usually end up being insignificant, and ends the conversation with "You'll be fine." -- which is definitely annoying, but true almost every time.:)

    If you are working this hard, it will all work out. Hang in there. :)

  2. And I've got my parents coming in this weekend. Tomorrow to be exact. Where we will get to do pretty much the same thing but from my point of view.

    I think the hardest thing for us to look at what we've been doing, accomplished, whatever, and feel satisfied. It takes that outside eye to look at you and say "holy hell, look at the amazing life you have." I Have these moments of self doubt where I think..yeah I'm (a few years older than you) and what do I have to show for it? Damnit! A whole boat load of amazingness. Just like you.

  3. I like this post. We are all anxious over our shortcomings, missed opportunities, and well -- everything, at times. When I get caught up with self-doubt, my husband reminds me that the things we worry about usually end up being insignificant, and ends the conversation with "You'll be fine." -- which is definitely annoying, but true almost every time.:)