Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Monday, March 5, 2012

This Sh*t's About to Get Real...

As you all know, I'm not opposed to a good four letter word. I try not to use them superfluously or gratuitously. But what can say about this post... for you who offend easily... eye-muffs...

The feeling I have is like there's a rock on my chest and I'm lying down in a slow moving river. I can see the world happening through the murky water above, life happening, but I can't get there. It's a stagnant, stuck, just generally all around shitty feeling.

...and I'm pissed. I'm sick and tired of doing bullshit, I'm sick and tired of being stuck at a certain level. As actors we tend to feel helpless. We feel at the whim of other industry forces and it is easy to feel immobile. Unable to be in control of our own fate. I'm sick of it. I end up stuck in crappy situations or forced to wait around for others to follow through on their word. And a lot of it is because I'm a nice person. I'm loyal and trustworthy...and all those other Libra qualities that seem really great until they eff you in the end.

It's crap. I'm a professional, serious person (...can't you tell? ;). I want work that is challenging and hearty. I want people in my life that push me and work to pull things out of me that even I didn't see coming. I deserve that. We all do.

See, I let recent events get to my head and disrupt my heart. I let people and situations move me to a place of negative thoughts and insecurity. BUT NO MORE.

After a few very uplifting few days, filled with kind words and compliments from people whose opinions I value and hold in very high regard, I'm coming out of this bullshit on top, my friends. It's like words from a conversation I had recently, “what if this terrible thing is the best thing that could have happened?” And I think it just may have been.

Why? Because sometimes it's good to get angry ...and then get active.

We are valuable. We should be valued. By ourselves and others. Too often we are willing to work our faces off for free, to be treated like shit and like unintelligent people (this is something I deal with constantly as a woman. DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE A FIVE YEAR OLD BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A PENIS. Thank you. Kisses!) It's time to get empowered and get real, people.

I have a tendency to downplay everything. I value humility. But let's face the facts: That's great to an extent. It's time to get serious. So here I am. Putting this out into the world: I'm good. I'm good at what I do and I love to do it. I refuse to continue to put myself in places that are detrimental to me and my work. I have to start treating myself and my talent with the respect that it deserves.

Otherwise, why will anyone else?

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