There are few words that make me shudder in fear. A few are: “Ocean” (Debilitating fear. Wanna see me scream like a baby on Santa's lap? Throw me in the ocean. I once broke up with a guy for doing it. He clearly had no heart...), “Flying” or “Airplane” (Love airports, hate flying. Anyone that's sat next to me, friend OR stranger, can vouch that I don't do well in turbulence. I'm an arm grabber...) onto “Library” and even, “Post Office” (pretty much any word that evokes a big, government-y looking building. It always seems like everyone knows exactly what they're doing, and I just feel lost. ...ps. lets be honest, the NY public library is scary as shit).
But despite these bizarre phobias, the actress in me is pretty fearless. I've scaled balconies, swam in gross swamp-like pools, had screaming breakdowns, stood too close to a moving train, thrown up into a toilet... all for the good of the performance. But want to turn this usually fairly fearless Actress into a knees-shaking, scared little mess? Mention the words I heard over the phone for the wardrobe consultation prepping for the “I Married a Mobster” shoot.
Those terrifying words are: Make. Sure. To. Bring. Your. Sexiest. Lingerie.
- Sorry boys. Don't have too much sexy lingerie. I think it's awkward. And,
- Oh. Shit. I have to wear sexy lingerie...on camera...in front of a crew...
Another thing you may not know: I'm pretty prudish when it comes to my body. I'm not one of the weird chicks at the gym that blow-dries her hair all nakie, and I have never just walked around my apartment in the buff just for the hell of it. Not my jam. Probably comes from my body issues and years of staring in the mirror as a dancer (but that's for another post ;).
So, after a day of shooting intense emotional breakdowns, throwing things, screaming, and crying in what the Director likes to call the “haggard look” (For some reason recently I seem to get parts that require little to no primping. The worse I look the better. And I'm no beauty here either! I'm all snot and tears. And while “Haggard” was the Director's choice description, it's a look I've come to call: “Pleasantly Busted.”)... anyhow, nearing the end of the day, I heard the dreaded words, “Okay, let's change into the sexy lingerie.”
He said it so matter of fact. Like it was the same as saying, “plaid flannel pajamas.”
I went upstairs and pulled my options from my over sized suitcase. We decided on a onesie/romper situation with lace and whatnot. It was really the best of the options for my purposes. I slipped into it and willed myself to stand up straight and forget about my pasty NYer-in-hibernation-for-the-Winter legs (just thank God I remembered to shave...)
The scene was hilarious: “Sexy time with my husband after he gets out of prison.” I carried a candle into the room, saying things such as, “You miss me?” all sexy and seductive-like. Ha! Hilarious! (I may have had to make some suggestive faces in a certain close-up... Eek! Sorry family... :-/ )
But, aside from my personal hangups, shooting has been so great! We've done 4 days, and I think we've got one more coming up. My “husband” and I keep getting awesome feedback from the Director and he seems really happy with the performances. The crew is so lovely, too. And aside from being slightly nervous around the uber-legit mob extras, it's been super easy and fun! Just the project I needed right now! ...now to get more of these types of jobs...
As for personal business, I was able to share some awesome moments with some of my Promo girls. My friend, Aimee, was married last weekend and I was a Bridesmaid in her wedding. We've been through so much together (as you've read), and to share such an amazing occasion with her and the girls was really incredible.
Things with nutrition are going going going! If you haven't checked out the new blog, Smart-Mouthed, I really hope you do. I've decided on the tag line, “A health and wellness blog, sassy sauce on the side.” It's a new project and a lot of work, but something that I'm so passionate about.
Still not sure what to do with these little blogs, but people keep reading...so I keep writing.
And, thanks again, for reading, btw. It really means a lot. And if you like what you see, please pass it along. I'm forever grateful.
I've got a photo shoot scheduled for this week, along with some other odds and ends (doc appointment to deal with some health issues of late :-/). Luckily, I should be fully clothed for all planned events.
...though, with this life, I never really know what the hell is coming. Lingerie and cheesy candlelight included.