Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Unwanted Side Effects


It dawned on me as I sat in the lobby of the midtown studio space watching all the soon-to-audition performers mill about, passing by again and again to recheck their make-up, have a moment alone in the bathroom, or just pace for the sake of pacing. Every person was there with the intent to stand in front of someone (a stranger or someone very near acquaintance status) and spill themselves out on the floor. Everyone was ready to walk into a judging chamber, to open themselves up completely and utterly.

...And we do it for a living (or an attempt at one).

That's amazing. Isn't it?

It got me thinking about how often I put myself on the line. Then it got me thinking how that's affected me.

Which leads me to my feeling that I owe you an apology. I used to be a very open person (some may even argue too open...). But, I'm sure you've noticed that my writing here has become less frequent, less personal, and to be honest, less honest. The byproduct of my daily activities and past experiences have crept up on me, stealth-style. My current day to day - auditioning and performing and starting a business and generally moving through life as a single NY girl - essentially throwing myself to the wolves of this town to be judged again and again has led me to create a sort of protective shell.

Not long ago I approached the world wide eyed, like a kid sitting Criss-Cross-Applesauce at show and tell. I wanted to take everything in. Live it, and take it with me. It was a lovely existence and one that made this crazy and sometimes fairly effed up world make some semblance of sense. The good, the bad, the ridiculous was all part of the experience.

But right now? Well... I'm not sure how I got here, but I guess every now and then it's good to step back and evaluate where you've ended up. Self awareness is a beautiful thing.

Conclusion?

Pull it together, Self, because you WILL be okay if it all falls apart.

It is hard to put yourself out there for others so fervently and so frequently. But, it's getting exhausting inside these attempted shatter-proof walls. My mantra used to be, "it doesn't matter what happens, as long as I'm honest in the process." That's probably not totally true, but life certainly is much nicer out in the thick of things. I'm happier, my work is better- deeper and more true, and all the actory-bullshit aside, I'm just generally a hell of a lot more fun.

So I apologize for temporarily shutting you out.

Turns out I'm delightfully fallible.
Some may call it, "Human".

Now for the NEWS!
On the recent list, I have:
I was ready to get up...Lincoln was not.
  • Gone to the ATL to recharge and spend time with my Fam (Celebrated Dad's Bday, shopped-till-I-dropped at the Super Target, snuggled my puppy-nephew, cooked some family dinners, laid out at the pool with the Mom...I came back to NYC with half my body sunburned as hell, but smiling!)
  • Nailed a few auditions (complete with callbacks. Waiting to hear...).
  • Totally effed up another audition (Material is everything and I made a rookie mistake. Bah!..clearly still trying to forgive myself for it...).
  • Started rehearsals for the new show, "Happily After Tonight"(coming July 18-28!! More info to come).
  • Acquired a business partner for my next nutrition venture (it's gonna be amazeballs! In the meantime, learn about healthy stuff at Smart-Mouthed.com!).
  • Been on some dates (...Sort of. I shut down a bit from this portion of my life, as well. Still trying to ease back into it. ...not so effortlessly. But that's a whole other blog...)
  • Dressed some mopey teenagers on some shopping tours.
  • Been to some doctors for my chronic stomach issues (I'm now on a totally obnoxious new diet.No Garlic and Onions?? You're shitting me?!...you know I actually said that to the nutritionist. Sometimes I find myself staring down at my stomach and having a conversation that's met with grumbles and pain- “Seriously?? Seriously?? People eat Kentucky Fried animal parts, and this was freakin' Cauliflower for God's sake!!” ...People look at me funny, but mentally it helps me cope.) 
  • Rehearsed and performed a show in a bar-basement. (Great fundraiser. Great people).
  • And, I can tell you, I have NOT cleaned my apartment... or done laundry... or taxes... or a few other things that are adult responsibilities that I should really take care of...

More on the deets of life coming in the next few days. 

So, in short, it's time. Operation: Sarah Pulls Her Shit Together has commenced. Back to bravery. Back to basics. ...bear with me.


PS! I've posted my Reel on the top of the sidebar!!! Check me out!! --->

1 comment:

  1. Whoa, no need to apologize -- least of all to your readers here. You have your hand on the sharing dial and can choose to modulate that up or down as the spirit moves you.

    I like the phrase "it got me thinking" as you use it at least twice above. You're closely observing your surroundings, and ruminating. You're also being introspective. This is good.

    There's more going on in your life than this reader can comment on now, except to say it sounds busy and productive. The reel is great! Now that you've got a YouTube channel you can use that to showcase your work. Upwards and onwards!

    ReplyDelete