There are milestones, and then there
are MILESTONES. Next week marks a milestone so freakin crazy I almost
don't believe it.
They say that if you can make it here,
you can make it anywhere. I always laughed at that statement, but
looking back on the last 10 YEARS, I can honestly say I
wholeheartedly agree. I mean, don't throw me into a prison shower or
drop me in a war zone, but I really do think that I could make a home
anywhere at this point.
You see, next week I celebrate my ten
year mark in NYC. It was ten years ago that my parents said goodbye
to me outside the dorms at FIT and I pushed my tongue hard against
the roof of my mouth so as not to let tears give away my fear. I
waved goodbye as their car disappeared into 7th ave
traffic and I ducked behind the stairwell to cry silently at the
terrifying solitude of moving to NY by myself at age 18. If you would
have told me then that I would still be here ten years later, I would
have laugh/cried right in your grill. But somewhere along the way,
the city crawls right into your being. It seeps into your blood and
sets up roots in your bones. It takes hold of your heart with a
strong grasp, yet does so very gently and imperceptibly so that it's
hard to tell when it happened or how.
But inevitably you realize that your
stomach aches when you've been away too long. That when the plane
loops around to land at La Guardia, the sight of the buildings warms
your insides. On a Friday night, you look around at your motley crew
of friends and realize that they've become your family. I hate to
sound cheesy, but hell, after ten years of hard NY living I deserve a
little introspective softness.
I never really considered myself a
NYer. I'm a Georgia girl (though with my love of eff bombs and
vegetarian tendencies, you'd never know it). But I've become acutely
aware in the recent months how accustomed to this town I've become.
It's when I realize my body instinctively knows which side of the
train platform is closest to my destination, or how to hold my
umbrella going under scaffolding so as not to drip on any disgruntled
wet city-folk. It's when I catch myself turning my head at juuust the
right angle to avoid total hair-style destruction from the
approaching train's wind. And it's the moment I bond with a stranger
in a single glance over the crazy that's screaming about “God's
love” and “the reckoning.” It's when someone asks me directions
and I actually know the way.
It's easy to fall in Love with NY for
the obvious reasons. The beautiful Christmas season, the park in
Springtime, the smell of warm nuts being sold on a cold day, the
millions of things to do on a lazy Sunday... But I think it's when
you can fall in love with the probable ups and downs that a typical day of pavement pounding brings that confirms NY truly is home.
It's loving its dualities. How it makes
one feel both sane and completely insane all at the same time. Full
of knowledge and utterly dumbfounded in one breath. Capable and
incapable. Sure and unsure. In love and in hate. Grateful and
disdainful. Big and yet, ridiculously small. You can be alive, and
full and bright and electrified ...and somehow completely beaten to a
lifeless lump merely putting one well-shod foot in front of the
other... all at the same time. :)
I can thank this town for many things.
For crazy experiences (something my friends and I call “NY Nights.”
Where else can you find yourself in Wynton Marsalis's living room at
4am in a deep discussion about life, or sailing up and down the
Hudson on a friend of a friend of a friend's sailboat...). For life
lessons about love and acceptance (of myself and others) and
perseverance. For friends that function like Family, and conversely
for Family that now also functions like friends. And...Lord knows...
above all else, maybe, NY has taught me to laugh. Whatever you do-
Just. Keep. Laughing.
I don't know where I'll be ten years
from now. And, to be honest, I like it that way. I like knowing that
I can adapt to whatever crazy sh*t life seems to think I'm ready for
next.
I do know one thing's for sure, though:
Whatever it is, I can handle it. I will be okay.
Your post made me cry a little inside. I miss NYC so much.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing is it will be here when you want to come back. Even for a visit! :) Thank you so much for reading!
DeleteThank you Sarah! I'm going through alot right now and this confirmed for me where I need to be. (I laugh/cried)
ReplyDeleteFrank G.
Thank you, Frank! Stick it out. I mean, take a vacation, but come back with new energy. ;)
DeleteGreat read. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.
DeleteTen years is a good chunk of time in a young person's life. It's clear that a good deal of your growing up from youth into adulthood has happened right here in NYC. The fact that you journeyed here to attend FIT -- and not, say, Parsons -- enhances your street cred. It's cool that a Georgia girl would journey here to be a part of our city university system. Now you're still learning and growing, while educating others about nutrition and lighting up stages and screens. New York has shaped you over these years, but you have also brought something unique here to this great mix. Keep laughing, and thanks for helping me to laugh with your writing here.
ReplyDelete