There seems to be so much bitterness surrounding
this holiday. And, really, I could go there, if I wanted. I
mean, I hate pink, I think hearts are stupid, and today is the day
tons of women revert to dressing like 7 year olds with glitter and
headbands and terrible shades of lipstick...
But I won't go there. Because, I want
to celebrate! I'm in that kind of mood.
I don't talk about my personal
personal life too much on this here blog. I elude to dates every
once in a while, refer to myself as single...but that's about it.
But, in the name of this overrated holiday I thought I'd divulge a
little about the private life of Acting Like Sarah. ...Ugh...bear with me.
So, I have been “in love” (whatever
that means). I've known people that, at the time, make the world
better and brighter and more fun. Where my chest ached and just
breathing was an adventure. ...And I'm sure I'll have that
again...someday.
But, being singular the past two years
has taught me to be selfish. In the best kind of way. Two years ago when the shit hit
the fan in my last relationship, I was NOT used to being solo. I was
in a very tightly knit partnership and was in another one before
that. But then, my life went in an unexpected direction. And I was blown away
at how quickly a relationship can disintegrate. It
amazed me! ...But in the process, it also showed me that I could do
things on my own (which, at the time, I hadn't in a while: read here). AND I could do them well.
So, since then, I've been in what my
friends and I call, “me mode”. And I have to say, I've enjoyed
the shit out of it. I found nutrition. My careers are going well (all
of them ;). I'm starting a business. I meet incredible people...
![]() |
Nemo out my window. |
But, I'm not gonna lie. I have my moments.
Last week, during Nemo, I was holed up in my apartment trying
desperately to run lines, solo style, for two shows I was working on.
The wind was howling outside my window as snow was piling on the
ground outside. And I had one of those moments as I realized: I was alone. On a
Friday. In a snowstorm. It was fleeting, but it was that quick
stomach sink that reminds you that certain feelings are
lingering somewhere inside.
Snowy day in BK. |
The next morning I woke up early. Put
on gym clothes. Snow boots. I went to the New York Muffins Cafe on
the corner that usually functions as my makeshift office, and they
made me my Almond Milk Latte without my having to ask. I called my
Dad and chatted about nothing. I fought the wind and walked around my
hood taking in the unbelievable snowy day. (ten years out of Georgia,
but I still get excited about snow. I can't help it!). I wandered with
nowhere to go and nothing to do. I don't know what it was, but I got a little emotional. Maybe it was the realization that without certain events, I wouldn't be here. With my latte, and my boots and my Brooklyn... It totally weirded me out, but I went with it. I
even sent my girlfriends some lame, girly version of an "I love you, man" text. ...I don't know. Something about the mix of a snowy
Brooklyn and the freedom was awesomely gratifying, and “lonely”
was nowhere to be found.
So, yes, I do date. And dating's hard! I
could fill a whole other blog with stories or the terms my
friends and I have coined, the nicknames we've assigned. I could blow your mind
with oddities and quirks that I've witnessed. Dating is
bizarre. (And, seriously, thank God for my friends that online date.
They provide endless entertainment.) Amid the nuttiness, I just try hard to stay
honest and open. Simplify the mess to something manageable. And in
the process I've met such cool people. So I'm grateful for each experience...well...maybe there are a few in there I could have done
without...
But to get back to Valentine's Day - I
don't think I'm ever going to be the girl that likes boxes of high
fructose bullshit, or flowers that are just going to die and smell
weird, BUT I guess
that a holiday that celebrates love isn't such a bad idea. I mean, I have so much in my life for
things, and activities, and people and places (Read this: NYC, I heart thee).
And, I hope you all have the same. So, Happy Valentine's Day! I wish
you love and luck and extra dark chocolate. (...it's highest in
antioxidants...)
We don't celebrate it. Never really have. We acknowledge it as a holiday but I don't think I could ever be the person to make a big deal out of a holiday invented to sell cards and repackage un-sold Halloween candy. (pretty sure that's not true)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we're a like in that sense. Now Brooklyn...no comment.
I will say though that I LOVE a snow storm. I can't wait for them. Winter is hard, but there is something about snow. It's probably from spending part of my child in Florida away from the snow. I didn't get my fill as a kid so now any snow storm you'll find me knee deep in it.