Love: Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing. -Urban Dictionary

There seems to be so much bitterness surrounding this holiday. And, really, I could go there, if I wanted. I mean, I hate pink, I think hearts are stupid, and today is the day tons of women revert to dressing like 7 year olds with glitter and headbands and terrible shades of lipstick...

But I won't go there. Because, I want to celebrate! I'm in that kind of mood.

I don't talk about my personal personal life too much on this here blog. I elude to dates every once in a while, refer to myself as single...but that's about it. But, in the name of this overrated holiday I thought I'd divulge a little about the private life of Acting Like Sarah. ...Ugh...bear with me.

So, I have been “in love” (whatever that means). I've known people that, at the time, make the world better and brighter and more fun. Where my chest ached and just breathing was an adventure. ...And I'm sure I'll have that again...someday.

But, being singular the past two years has taught me to be selfish. In the best kind of way. Two years ago when the shit hit the fan in my last relationship, I was NOT used to being solo. I was in a very tightly knit partnership and was in another one before that. But then, my life went in an unexpected direction. And I was blown away at how quickly a relationship can disintegrate. It amazed me! ...But in the process, it also showed me that I could do things on my own (which, at the time, I hadn't in a while: read here). AND I could do them well.

So, since then, I've been in what my friends and I call, “me mode”. And I have to say, I've enjoyed the shit out of it. I found nutrition. My careers are going well (all of them ;). I'm starting a business. I meet incredible people...

Nemo out my window.

But, I'm not gonna lie. I have my moments. Last week, during Nemo, I was holed up in my apartment trying desperately to run lines, solo style, for two shows I was working on. The wind was howling outside my window as snow was piling on the ground outside. And I had one of those moments as I realized: I was alone. On a Friday. In a snowstorm. It was fleeting, but it was that quick stomach sink that reminds you that certain feelings are lingering somewhere inside.

Snowy day in BK.

 The next morning I woke up early. Put on gym clothes. Snow boots. I went to the New York Muffins Cafe on the corner that usually functions as my makeshift office, and they made me my Almond Milk Latte without my having to ask. I called my Dad and chatted about nothing. I fought the wind and walked around my hood taking in the unbelievable snowy day. (ten years out of Georgia, but I still get excited about snow. I can't help it!). I wandered with nowhere to go and nothing to do. I don't know what it was, but I got a little emotional. Maybe it was the realization that without certain events, I wouldn't be here. With my latte, and my boots and my Brooklyn... It totally weirded me out, but I went with it. I even sent my girlfriends some lame, girly version of an "I love you, man" text. ...I don't know. Something about the mix of a snowy Brooklyn and the freedom was awesomely gratifying, and “lonely” was nowhere to be found.

So, yes, I do date. And dating's hard! I could fill a whole other blog with stories or the terms my friends and I have coined, the nicknames we've assigned. I could blow your mind with oddities and quirks that I've witnessed.  Dating is bizarre. (And, seriously, thank God for my friends that online date. They provide endless entertainment.) Amid the nuttiness, I just try hard to stay honest and open. Simplify the mess to something manageable. And in the process I've met such cool people. So I'm grateful for each experience...well...maybe there are a few in there I could have done without...

But to get back to Valentine's Day - I don't think I'm ever going to be the girl that likes boxes of high fructose bullshit, or flowers that are just going to die and smell weird, BUT I guess that a holiday that celebrates love isn't such a bad idea. I mean, I have so much in my life for things, and activities, and people and places (Read this: NYC, I heart thee). 

And, I hope you all have the same. So, Happy Valentine's Day! I wish you love and luck and extra dark chocolate. (...it's highest in antioxidants...)