Small but Scrappy.

Let's do some word association, shall we? -

Feet. ...Hurt.

Back. ...Ache.

Hand. ...Punch

Patience. ...What the fuck is that.

Hm? 

What?

...ohhhh, you see a theme...

Y'all, there's a lot going on right now! I've been running my midget legs all over this town, and it is taking its toll on my vertically challenged, little body. There is not a pair of shoes in my closet that can rise to the challenge of providing my throbbing arches with comfort. Not to mention who knows what's going on with the freakin' weather?! Is it cold? Is it hot? Is it raining? Is lightning striking my fire escape? (this did actually happen. My roommate screeched like that mouse I trapped in a box a while back) But seriously. Holy hell, you guys. I'm cooked.

The everyday pull of my limbs in different directions is starting to get to me. Sleeping is troublesome. Palpitations are normal. Fists are instinctual.

Something's gotta give.

And yes, even I occasionally, with my rogue smiles at strangers and overly chatty tendencies want to slam my elbow into the grill of some too-cool-for-school-silly-hat-clad-Ayn-Rand-reading-Hipster on the God forsaken, crowded Soho street. It happens. ...And its happening this week. ...You've been warned.

...Sooo, I'm in a mood. Looks like I need to seriously chill out. For the sake of my sanity and for the sake of that smelly hipster's teeth.

My anxiety from the acting front stems from the fact that I don't have any solid acting gigs lined up in the near future. Which is unusual for me. I have a number of 'potential' projects that may or may not happen. Things people want me to be a part of, but need funding or finishing. And in the meantime, I just go to a lot of auditions that I'm not really invested in. I'm fiending for a character that I'm excited about. But I'm sure something will spark my energy soon. Something always does.

Also adding to my fighting spirit, I've had some ridiculous encounters with the opposite sex recently. It seems I've been a magnet for the absurd when it comes to Men. Example: I was stopped on the street and chatted up by a seemingly normal, well intentioned guy. After a couple minutes of chatter he comes out with this statement - “You're smart. But you should really tone down the wit. It's an unattractive trait in a woman.” umm...WHAT?!?!  I stared at him. Head cocked to the side. Eyes narrowed. “Well. Hmm. Interesting...” I said, even tempered and analytical. “...And it turns out that being a fucking idiot is an unattractive trait in a male. WHO KNEW?!” I heard his voice fade into the distance attempting to back-pedal as I walked away laughing in complete astonishment. Un-freakin-believable.

And aside from these fiery feelings, there's also this weird nostalgia I'm contending with. I usually get it around this time of year - right when I feel the beginnings of summer imminent. I get the first hint of schvitze on my forehead and feel the first breeze on my bared legs and I get transported back in time to lazy, summer days when the air smelled perpetually of strawberries and hot dogs. In stark contrast to the now, life was devoid of responsibility except for the nagging issue of getting back home in time for dinner. Where the biggest problems were what boy was snapping my bathing suit strap and how much longer until adult swim time was over. Goodness, I miss those days. Every now and again I get irrational feelings about times long ago. Immense sadness that I've lost something and can't get it back. Like when you leave your cell phone in a cab. I realize it's just the nature of how time works, but it doesn't change the struggle with accepting it.

Anyhow, as far as The Wellness Project- with serious changes looming on the horizon I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. Not only am I contending with this incredibly erratic schedule and last minute things popping up like whoa, but TWP is coming to fruition, getting more and more real. It's actually creating a buzz and people are starting to contact us about what we have in the works. It's a little scary to think about the end result. ...Holy hell, can we really do this?

I mean, yes.

Of course we can. 

And it's going to be some kind of amazing. :)

So, in the middle of dealing with life's ridiculous, Lord knows, I am workin'! Money jobs by day (LOTS of tours going down this time of year), The Wellness Project by night, writing/auditioning/connecting in the middle. Attempting to stay at least a little charming so my tips don't suck and my dates aren't terrified.

I think I will take a little me time this week, though. Go for some walks. Maybe even hang by the river and (gasp) finally finish reading the book I started weeks ago (granted it's about the proliferation of processed foods, but still...). I could even take a dance class. Go back to my roots and try to work it out from the outside, inward.

Some major Spring Cleaning needs to go down, too. So, it's a week of new beginnings! Tidying up my hot mess of an apartment and my brass knuckled attitude.

It's a big job, but I got this gig.