Let's do some word association, shall we? -
Feet. ...Hurt.
Back. ...Ache.
Hand. ...Punch
Patience. ...What the fuck is that.
Hm?
What?
...ohhhh, you see a theme...
Y'all, there's a lot going on right now! I've been running my midget
legs all over this town, and it is taking its toll on my vertically
challenged, little body. There is not a pair of shoes in my closet
that can rise to the challenge of providing my throbbing arches with
comfort. Not to mention who knows what's going on with the freakin'
weather?! Is it cold? Is it hot? Is it raining? Is lightning striking
my fire escape? (this did actually happen. My roommate screeched like
that mouse I trapped in a box a while back) But seriously. Holy hell, you guys.
I'm cooked.
The everyday pull of my limbs in different directions is starting to
get to me. Sleeping is troublesome. Palpitations are normal. Fists
are instinctual.
Something's gotta give.
And yes, even I occasionally, with my rogue smiles at strangers and
overly chatty tendencies want to slam my elbow into the grill of
some too-cool-for-school-silly-hat-clad-Ayn-Rand-reading-Hipster on
the God forsaken, crowded Soho street. It happens. ...And its
happening this week. ...You've been warned.
My anxiety from the acting front stems from the fact that I don't have any solid acting gigs
lined up in the near future. Which is unusual for me. I have a
number of 'potential' projects that may or may not happen. Things
people want me to be a part of, but need funding or finishing. And in
the meantime, I just go to a lot of auditions that I'm not really invested in. I'm fiending for a character that I'm excited about. But I'm
sure something will spark my energy soon. Something always does.
Also adding to my fighting spirit, I've had some ridiculous encounters
with the opposite sex recently. It seems I've been a magnet for the
absurd when it comes to Men. Example: I was stopped on the street and
chatted up by a seemingly normal, well intentioned guy. After a
couple minutes of chatter he comes out with this statement - “You're
smart. But you should really tone down the wit. It's an unattractive
trait in a woman.” umm...WHAT?!?! I stared at him. Head cocked to
the side. Eyes narrowed. “Well. Hmm. Interesting...” I said, even tempered and analytical.
“...And it turns out that being a fucking idiot is an unattractive
trait in a male. WHO KNEW?!” I heard his voice fade into the
distance attempting to back-pedal as I walked away laughing in
complete astonishment. Un-freakin-believable.
And aside from these fiery feelings, there's also this weird nostalgia
I'm contending with. I usually get it around this time of year -
right when I feel the beginnings of summer imminent. I get the first
hint of schvitze on my forehead and feel the first breeze on my bared
legs and I get transported back in time to lazy, summer days when the
air smelled perpetually of strawberries and hot dogs. In stark
contrast to the now, life was devoid of responsibility except for the
nagging issue of getting back home in time for dinner. Where the
biggest problems were what boy was snapping my bathing suit strap and
how much longer until adult swim time was over. Goodness, I miss
those days. Every now and again I get irrational feelings about times
long ago. Immense sadness that I've lost something and can't get it
back. Like when you leave your cell phone in a cab. I realize it's
just the nature of how time works, but it doesn't change the struggle
with accepting it.
Anyhow, as far as The Wellness Project- with serious changes looming on the
horizon I'm getting a bit overwhelmed. Not only am I contending with
this incredibly erratic schedule and last minute things popping up
like whoa, but TWP is coming to fruition, getting more and more real.
It's actually creating a buzz and people are starting to contact us
about what we have in the works. It's a little scary to think about
the end result. ...Holy hell, can we really do this?
I mean, yes.
Of course we can.
And it's going to be some kind of amazing. :)
So, in the middle of dealing with life's ridiculous, Lord knows, I am
workin'! Money jobs by day (LOTS of tours going down this time of
year), The Wellness Project by night, writing/auditioning/connecting
in the middle. Attempting to stay at least a little charming so my
tips don't suck and my dates aren't terrified.
I think I will take a little me time this week, though. Go for some
walks. Maybe even hang by the river and (gasp) finally finish reading
the book I started weeks ago (granted it's about the proliferation of
processed foods, but still...). I could even take a dance class. Go
back to my roots and try to work it out from the outside, inward.
Some major Spring Cleaning needs to go down, too. So, it's a week of
new beginnings! Tidying up my hot mess of an apartment and my brass
knuckled attitude.
It's a big job, but I got this gig.
So... really cool blog Miss Sarah. Just discovered it and will definitely be checking it out in the future.
ReplyDeleteDon't give up the good fight. As we talked about at some point, part of the life of an artist is the struggle, the desire to have something more than just the expected, '9-5, go to work, make the donuts, go home' life. With that added desire though comes uncertainty and it can be so freaking disheartening. But, in the end, you have to stick to it. You have the talent and drive to break through any lulls that inevitably come your way and actually, the lean time is what makes each role that much sweeter and you hungrier for more.
Art is like oxygen and when we are starved of it, we're left gasping for air yet with each new gig, we fill up, ready to take the plunge all over again.
So take a a deep breath, spring is here, get your fill once again of life, of opportunity and promise and you'll find yourself exactly where you need to be.
Fiery feelings and weird nostalgia -- it's always enjoyable to read your thoughts and hear about your adventures (even when they are misadventures). May your feet be soothed -- perhaps even by a pro reflexologist. All the best with it, and thanks for transmuting it all into this witty brew.
ReplyDelete