The antsy, can't sit still, burning
need to do good acting work has slowly been building to bonfire
proportions. A Director of a Music Video asking me (from a reclined
position on a couch) if I'm “cool with shoving cake in my mouth and
pouring beer all over my body” while I “chill for the day in a
bikini” didn't help the situation. After being the only girl over
the age of 22 in the holding room, I was in no mood to play along.
“Umm..I think I can do the cake/beer thing. But, ah, I think I'm more of a tank top/short shorts kinda girl...”
...Needless to say, I didn't get the
part.
Seriously, I am fiending for a
challenging role. No one has asked me to puke into a toilet, get
raped in a stairwell, or sleep with my boyfriend's bestie recently
and, by God, it is starting to get to me. Color me disillusioned.
...whatever the hell color that is. I've been losing the love.
BUT all it takes is one. One
performance to suck you back into some kind of sick actor-love. Last
week, I had an audition for a feature that re-sparked my fire. It was
of the emotionally intense variety. My brain's been all over the
place and I worried I wouldn't be able to stay in the moment. But, after my usual preparation (which includes a specially picked song
playing on a loop) in the audition room I was able to find the sweet spot.
The place where connection to the script allows for truth and you
don't have to push. It just comes at will. I left totally spent with my makeup hooker-smeared across my face, but
fully reminded of why I keep at it. Some weird love reinstated for the cathartic work.
I needed that reminder. I've been so
focused on my life as Nutritional Nancy that I feel like I've
neglected my creative spirit a bit. I've been feeling less than
inspired. I need to find some new music, read a good book, fall in
love with a stranger, dance it out.
Timing is a funny thing, as I was just
contacted by a girl on the other side of the world about contributing
to a book about living a creative life. I was asked to explain my
process and talk about what it means to live creatively. After writing my
contribution, I realized how important that part of me really is. …It's
totally weird how life feeds you people and things you're hungry for
right at the perfect moment.
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My friends being silly and awesome. |
We've had a few set backs, but we keep plugging away. Piecing things together little by little. I feel like we're right on the brink of things getting a little bananas (in the best way).
Rach and Me day of the shoot. A happy tired. |
So, barring any appearances on the next
installment of Girls Gone Wild and ensuing law suits, I should
have a blast! My friend deserves a killer party, so we're hoping to
throw her just that.
I can't wait to get my head out of the
game. Rest the brain a bit and recalibrate. I think my creative
energy just needs a quick break reminiscent of my early 20's. Just
to, you know, dance on bars and down Vodka Sodas.
Yeah, that'll totally help. Nothing says "Inspiration" like a limo full of drunk, married girls in penis tiaras.
Betcha can't wait for those pics...
That's a great opening anecdote about the music video audition. It's cinematic, so quickly and concisely is it conjured. You may write that screenplay one day.... In any case, by the time I finished reading everything, my face was smiling and I'd already exclaimed with delight a couple of times, in no small part to lines like this: "No one has asked me to puke into a toilet, get raped in a stairwell, or sleep with my boyfriend's bestie recently and, by God, it is starting to get to me." This agitation has been building over several of your posts here, and you've given this non-thesp a visceral sense of the jonesing, the deep-in-the-bones yearning for the act of channeling some realness, for being possessed, as it were, by the restless spirits of the script.
ReplyDeleteThe photoshoot coup is an inspiring bit of resourcefulness. Bring on the bacchanals (and the penis tiaras?). Thanks for writing.
Thanks! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. Really. Means a ton to me! I'm glad you got a few smiles going. That's all I ask. :) Thank ya much!
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