Big Country Blues Trailer

Big Country Blues Trailer
Sarah e Jacobs recognized as OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES at LA Webfest! And nominated for BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA at ITVFest! Click to watch the trailer!

Monday, September 23, 2013

I Can't Belize My Ears

Anxiety hit me suddenly. There was eerie stillness over the water that I didn't trust. An easy quiet that, ironically, made me incredibly uneasy. My eyes scanned the area. I was looking for something mythical- sea monsters or unicorns. I would have sworn the only movement in the world was the slight breeze through my hair. I had the terrifying and irrational feeling that time stopped. I looked out over the ocean. The sun making a path to the edge of the Earth.

I hadn't traveled in years. Not really traveled. The kind where you plan, and you locate your passport, alert the bank, call the phone company. The kind where you anticipate it for months and then feel the palpitations of excitement in the days leading up to departure. The sort of trip where you leave your comfort zone and learn to adapt to foreign ways. It had been 8 years, to be exact. 8 years since my last real vacation. Travel? Sounds lovely, but that was something other people did. But, there I stood. Finally. On vacation in Belize. Skeptical of the ambient Island noise. My ears buzzed - a condition that persisted for the first few days I was away as my senses adjusted to the new serenity.

If you would have asked me a few weeks ago, I would've said that I go to great lengths not to stress in life. I work out, I take walks... But real escape, surrounding myself with all things unfamiliar, completely losing sense of time, and just generally not giving a shit was such a gift. Accepting the “whatever happens, happens” attitude and throwing efficiency out to sea was a stress relief I didn't even know I needed. Time became elastic. The sun melted urgency away.

My body fell into agreement with the light, crashing at sunset and waking with the dawn. I had no distractions, so I could focus on the fine points- The smell of salty water, a hint of ripe fruit and boat exhaust. The feeling of the sun warming my bathing-suited body and, later, the inevitable chills that followed when I unfortunately burned my backside. The acceptance of being perpetually mussed with gritty hair and bug sprayed, sticky skin.

Over the course of the trip, we met a full on cast of characters. Travelers that looked for obscure, loose commonalities - “oh, I've been to Canada once!...” A language, a place, a profession. Some random link to bond two different people in a very different place. Expat locals, a growing group of settlers. Each person a little sad in their own way, having run from some previous, mainland life. And native locals with quick tongues and sharp senses of humor. All with a detailed story to tell or a friend in town we should meet.

Rian (my good friend and travel partner) and I had a balanced, lazy itinerary of exploring and straight up lying on our asses. I carried over my commitment to bravery and tried new things. Cave tubing, zip lining. I even pep-talked my way out of an anxiety attack and successfully snorkeled. I held a shark with my own two shaking, probably-sweaty-but-who-knows-cuz-I-was-under-water hands. (FYI this situation is not to be taken lightly. I jumped IN the ocean. Snorkel on my bug-eyed face. Into waters teeming with sharks. ...Oceans are not my strong suit, People! This was huge.)

Anyhow. I digress. Point being, Newsflash! Turns out- Vacations are necessary! I've always thought I just needed to leave the city, that simply removing myself from my everyday was enough. But it turns out that complete escape is imperative. When I took away the cacophony of my usual, I was able to hear what was coming from the inside. Subtle clues and whispers from a body gradually worn down by the unassuming trauma of everyday life.

Upon landing in Miami on the first leg of our trip back to reality, I cautiously held down the button on my iphone. I was unprepared for the onslaught. Auditions, meetings, jobs, boys... Deep. Breaths...

In order to make it back home, it took 16 plus hours of travel and a few delirious laugh attacks. It seems I ran out of clean clothes so I had to make the trip in a haphazard ensemble that appeared as if Rainbow Bright had regurgitated. It made for some “off color” comments, so to speak. This pic was in the aftermath of Rian proclaiming indignantly that he did not sign on to travel with a girl "dressed like a Skittle":

Rainbow clad and mid Laugh Attack.

I stepped off the plane at Newark with a sunburned tush and a serious promise. I will not let another 8 years go by without a true vacation. Also, I'll try to add moments to my daily life where I don't feel the compulsion to DO. With “busy” being so en vogue in this town, it's hard to allow yourself unadulterated down time. Guilt inevitably follows a “day off”. Sure, I do things for me, but often my brain is on my business or my audition or my grocery list. Before Belize, I couldn't remember the last time I allowed myself to just plain and simply, be.

Early Birthday mess with friends
Back to my usual, I had some pretty cool stuff lined up. Some awesome auditions, which led to a few killer call-backs (after I bathed in Aloe and Vitamin E oil. Ain't nobody gonna cast a peeling, red, “young mom on a cruise”). I wrapped on an episode of "A Perfect Murder," for Discovery ID. And, Rachel and I have been hustling like whoa meeting with potential clients and partners for The Wellness Project. ...Big news! I think we may have just secured our first real client. (Ahh!)

I've tour guided and Promotional Modeled for some paychecks. I've celebrated an early 30th birthday in tandem with my best friend. I've been on my last of the lingering first dates from a now officially sworn off ...I'm back to the grind. In a big way.

Since coming home, I find myself drifting into the mindset of a traveler in my own town. It seems trips like this infiltrate your life in ways that surprise. Sort of like how you find sand in odd places for weeks. I see a crowded subway as an adventure. Allow rush hour to seem novel and exciting. I find myself smiling at even more strangers and chatting at the farmer's market (a deep conversation with a gaggle of women about Peach Pie). And I sit at the water's edge in BK taking in the skyline like I've never seen it before, watching the sun disappear behind the biggest pop-up book that ever was. It's nice to pretend that I'm a visitor here. that can't overstay her welcome.

We all deserve a break every now and again to even out, and let the ringing in our ears subside. We deserve to relax. And it's necessary to sit in ourselves and just be, hearing the sound of bare quiet.


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