So. Here I am. 5:30. New York Muffins. Double Almond Milk Latte… (forgive me for any overly sentimental or lyrical words, there’s some irrational sense of protection that comes with the darkness of very early and very late that makes a person a bit more sensitive.)
I love Brooklyn at this time. It has a quiet darkness that the city never has. And, here, the people up before the sun are a different breed. Not groggy and crusty eyed, but bright. Emitting energy that I’m pretty sure must power the sun.
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My favorite town. My favorite season. |
I’ve long tried to explain my love of Fall. It could be said that it’s because I was born then (I turned an impossible 31 last week). But it goes far beyond that, I think. Fall is an in-between. An odd mash up of boots and bare arms. Light layers. It’s a bridge that links two extremes, finding some cozy and comfortable balance between the two. Call me trite and all-too-literally a Libra, but I like the balance. That somewhere in-between.
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Birthday party. We may be old, but we are no less ridiculous. |
A while ago, I was on a date and in the middle of my talking about something (can’t remember what), The Charmer looked at me like I was a science fair project. In a condescending tone, as if I had made a mistake and was using the wrong words, he said, “You seem to think a lot of things are ‘interesting’ and ‘amazing.'” He formed his mouth around the two words like they tasted bad. …My response came after a moment of silence and some serious thought. I sifted through my rolodex of vocab words, wondering if he was right, but soon answered, “Yup. I do. …And, I won’t apologize.”
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Rach and Me giving a workshop, making Gut Bacteria fun at a downtown office. |
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"Sarah Jacobs: Playwright," as listed in a program. ...writing's been my outlet, recently. |
And then… there’s my personal life. A person I previously solidified as a fairly intense memory came back to my material present, and the leaps are made daily. Allowing all of the stuff that I buried over a year ago to surface and re-appear raw is not an easy task. Trusting and letting go, while knowing all too well the consequences that could come takes a lot. But with release of my own ego, I choose not to dwell in the past. And I made the adult decision that I’d way rather risk a possible unfavorable future than miss the reward of right now.
…So while I don’t throw caution to that ever present wind, there is a certain amount of sway. After all, the ubiquitous “they” always say that the leaps you don’t take are the ones that hurt the most.
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She's got TWO nuggets in there!! |
And, the truth is that I am kind of scared shitless. But worry never changed an outcome. And while fear is a main character in life (as is failure), it informed the plot much more when I was young and it made decisions for me. Like when I was 15 and learning to drive - I only made right turns, because left meant leaving the safety of the neighborhood.
Things do change.
So, it seems even this season’s name itself shares a connotation with some of my intrinsic traits. Fall. Be pulled by the rules of nature. Gravity the leader. Submitting to the whim of things inescapable. Between events. Between moments. Between people. Somewhere along the way I learned that left turns were inevitable. And while I usually make sure to look in both directions first, here I zig zag. Thinking it’s all ‘interesting’ and ‘amazing,’ raising my hands and laughing while I lose my stomach on the ride.
Blogging is the new poetry. I find it wonderful and amazing in many ways.
ReplyDeleteYour 30s will be incredible. Think of the best of your 20s, combined with more wisdom, wit, and intellectual ripening. It's going to be a great ride. I'm sorry about these churlish charmers -- cast not your pearls before swine. Keep on being who you are -- whether in the acting world or the world of health, you are adding value to our world. Chin up, and all the best!
ReplyDeleteFall is a beautiful time
ReplyDeleteAs a matter of fact, look under a plant in the Brazilian Rain Forest and you'll track down a come-on advertisement for a costly class in camera method! In the realm of tricks, film acting classes rate top ten. Be cautious out there. Bunches of sharks.https://watch-free.tv/
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